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Old 01-21-2005, 11:01 PM   #1
Plain Old Jane
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Evolution of a blashphemer

I wrote a Responce Essay for English Comp. 1302 last week.

It made my mother very upset. Not in the mad sense... more in the my son is going to hell sense.

My English teacher said my thesis (I have yet to receive back said essay) was, "::Pause:: ... Interesting."

The each student is given each essay to comment on. I expect 23 death threats.

Friends will notice the inclusion of my long pondered, never implemented (sadly) idea for confronting a Biology teacher with the Religious vs. Educational dilemma in the study of Darwin and Evolution... I felt that the first sentence attention getter was too good to not implement, and also that 'fictionalized events' were allowed...

And now, the essay, in its entirety...

[i]Creasy, Colin
Caruso
English Comp. 1302
February 16, 2001


Evolution of a Blasphemer


When I was fourteen, I made my Biology teacher cry. Reality and expectations are so often polar opposites, creating an indiscernible confusion for impressionable minds. Children trust their parents and elders to provide them with information that is both factual and moral. But this line blurs at the idea of religion: Should a
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Old 01-22-2005, 02:54 AM   #2
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[preface to this first paragraph: I didn't bother reading the introduction to the post until after I read this... and I could immediately tell that your conversation was fake. I'm not going to remove this because you can use it to revise the conversation and make it sound more realistic. After writing it, I was rereading the post, and realized that you admit that the conversation was 'never implemented')

Part of me believes that this conversation never took place, other than in the impecably timed arguments that one has in their own mind, puting themselves in a situation, fighting the odds, and coming out victorious and proud... while everybody else is stunned. This, to me, seems evident in how you try to make up for the inhuman nature of the conversation by making a point to humanize the conversation through your teacher's speach impediment. I really wonder, and actually doubt, that this conversation ever took place between the two of you, especially the way that you portray it. This is no offense to you, people do this all the time, especially in papers, but I don't know what you're looking for in posting it ... except for us to think that you ... defeated somebody, or something.

The rest of me obviously disagrees with your opinion on Christianity, and while I think ... pretty much all of it ... is dumbing down something to prove a point, if this paper were graded by somebody who wasn't looking for literary meanderings and seven word sentences that do little to inform, but a lot to 'grab attention', you'd probably fail the paper. It jumps from point to point with little cohesion (though, I think you do that on purpose--but... if this were evaluated in any sort of academia, it wouldn't be recieved well). Your small points aren't true, and the thesis of the paper, that which, I guess, deals with the conflict between Evolution/Darwin and Christianity/Religion isn't true anymore, and hasn't really been true for about 35 years.

If I were a professor, grading this, I'd have you write it over because it's missing everything. Don't take this personally, take it as an attempt to reanalyze this paper and maybe concentrate more on substance, as opposed to just sentences.
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Old 01-22-2005, 10:19 AM   #3
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note: this is colins paper from 4 years ago
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Old 01-22-2005, 11:17 AM   #4
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Yeah, I saw the name Colin on it, but assumed that your real name was Colin when I saw it.

Well, that's too bad.
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Old 01-22-2005, 12:03 PM   #5
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i have no idea why jep felt the need to post this... but, yea.

written hastily the night before for a freshman level (read: bullshit) comp class. and yes, it is almost entirely ficticious and shitty.
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Old 01-24-2005, 11:26 PM   #6
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I find it to be well written and its one of the reasons I got into writing liturture and essays and such
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