I want to let you know that I feel that it's my forum duty to assume you're lying about SOME aspect of your story here.
However, if I wasn't some sort of super cynic...my post might look a little something like this:
Wow, a new person?? We get new people, what, once every 2-3 years....MAYBE? I'm assuming that you're a dude named Sarah, who also fancies himself a maiden. That's not unheard of around here ya know. Well, either way...enjoy your stay, however short it might be. If you do manage to stick around for a few months, I'll be sure to do something to piss you off...to make you feel at home