Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Mike
A couple of facts: Most if not all relationships where one person "wants to still be friends" -- the person doesn't really want to be friends. They feel as if they have an obligation to friendship to help the other person out. This never results in a real friendship (if it was a passionate relationship). A lot of people come up with exceptions, but usually the relationship was petty and stupid and hence why they can still be friends. The friendship is doomed, so there's no reason in going for it anyway.
Mike
|
I actually maintain healthy friendships with all of my ex-boyfriends...minus one. It's taken time though. From my own personal experience, and I hate that I'm guilty of this, you turn selfish and you want to stay friends for your own comfort. Girls like to have someone in their life who will do anything for them. They don't mean, necessarily, to be hurtful, but a girl will string along a guy just in case she needs someone there for her. Just in case someone else doesn't take the guys place right away. A girl can absolutely know with all her heart and her mind that she will never love this boy, yet she will lead him to believe there is still a chance of reunion. Because girls want guys to love them; it's nature. It's power. It's comfort. And devoted ex boyfriends are the perfect groupies...because they hope and hope and hope and continue loving.
I've done it before. It's not something you do really consiously, or with evil intent, it just happens. You have to understand that this is what is going on, and you have to maintain distance. You also need to know that once you do stray from her life, she will very suddenly become needy and desperate. She'll need to TALK to you, need ADVICE...and you'll start hoping again and as soon as you place yourself back in that position you'll be hurt again. Don't do it. Staaay away.
Like I said, I'm friends with everyone I dated, minus one. The ones I am friends with...well, we took breaks from each other when we broke up and tried not to look back until one or the other was in a new relationship. The friendships are very casual, but theyre real. The one I'm not friends with, I haven't talked to since a year ago today, when he told me he couldn't handle seeing me anymore if I wasn't in love with him. Not the best Christmas present, but I understood and respected his decision, and I only hope he's happy.
I don't know if this helps at all, more than anything I'm reflecting on my own past, I guess, and things Ive learned.