[Cid]

You're right, this could be a very good thing in the long run. But it's fucking hard now. I wish I could equate it to something, but my powers of metaphor are coming up short this time.

It's hard when you make someone your number one. Your best friend, your companion in almost every aspect of life, and the to lose that. It's a very fucking lonely feeling. I mean, I have friends, but most of them are engaged or married and just don't have time like when we were younger. I used to enjoy a little alone time, but now every moment I'm alone feels like pure suffering.

I'm not the easiest guy to get along with, I can be harsh. But this girl kept me centered, she gave me peace of mind. There's just a certain calm when you KNOW that someone will be there for you through anything. To lose that is very difficult.

I guess it's best that it ended the way it did though. There was no fight, no bad blood. She's just concentrating on school and feels that we've been drifting apart lately. I can't disagree. Life changes people sometimes. I don't feel like it's anything personal really. We had no great qualms, just a general feeling of separation. She'll always be very special to me, and hopefully stay a good friend of mine. I adore her in every way, and want nothing but wonderful things for her. I hope she finds what she's looking for.

Wow, I'm being really sad and long winded. Apologies.

I really want to thank you guys for being so kind. It's not easy for me to talk to people about things like this. I keep myself pretty closed off, but I'm a pretty mushy sensitive fuckwad. Oh well.

Thanks again.