Women...

[Metallistar]

What is this power that women have over men? My ex-girlfriend has me by the balls. She wont let me go but she insists on sticking around in my life. She wants to be "friends" right now. (I know, thats pretty much the end of any relationship) But I love her so damn much... and the bad thing is she knows that, and with that power she is able to have her way with me. She knows if she told me to jump off a bridge I would, just for her. And I sit tight wile she goes out with other men, shit she even drove from Ohio to North Carolina to see some dude she used to go to school with. I dont know what to do anymore. I've been with her so long I dont even know how to approach someone elese. I havnt been single for nearly 3 years now and here I am... single and clueless... The worst part is I work with my ex-grilfriend and her mom is my Manager.

I dunno.. im drunk right now and im gonna pass out. Fuck me...

[Plain Old Jane]

I dont know MS, I dont think the problem here is her power over you, I think its how much power you're allowing her to have over you. You'll come to realize that you are more important to yourself then she is.

This is the reason I didnt tranq' "chuck" the day I got that messege and recreate the torture scene from Resevior Dogs.

If you wanna make her pissed, let her think she doesnt mean that much to you anymore. (make a lunch date and then "forget about it." Forget to get her a Chanukka gift. compare her to her mother... yeowch, that last one is cruel...)

[thecreeper]

shit dude. i dont know what to tell you, it sounds like a shitty ass situation. if i was caught in the same situation i would prolly be as clueless as you. the best advice i cold give is just tell her that if she isnt interested in a relationship anymore then you cannot treat her like she is a girlfriend. i mean, you cant be tied down to a girl who doesnt want you, you know?

[Mike]

The solution to your problem is to get over this girl -- regardless of the situation. She doesn't sound like anybody who would be worth two shits, considering that she has absolutely zero regard for your feelings and for you. Just forget about her, I don't care if you say "it's hard" or whatever... Just stop giving a shit. Develope a healthy crush on a cute looking girl from one of your classes, or something like that.

This current girlfriend/exgirlfriend seems like a total waste of time. Even if she's good looking ... there's hundreds of thousands of good looking girls in the world

A couple of facts: Most if not all relationships where one person "wants to still be friends" -- the person doesn't really want to be friends. They feel as if they have an obligation to friendship to help the other person out. This never results in a real friendship (if it was a passionate relationship). A lot of people come up with exceptions, but usually the relationship was petty and stupid and hence why they can still be friends. The friendship is doomed, so there's no reason in going for it anyway.

Don't be afraid to be rude to this girl. She's being rude to you. Don't return her phone calls, don't pick up the phone if you're playing a videogame... don't call her 'just to talk' or any of that shit. There's no need to be curteous to her if she's being incourteous to you; there's no reason to worry about her feelings if she is incapable of worrying about your's.

Also, she owes you nothing--so don't get that into your head as some justification for thinking that you'll get back together. Neither of you owe the other anything.

It's over. Time to pack your bags. THere's other attractive girls... girls who are more appetizing than somebody who doesn't give two shits about somebody who cares about her.
Mike

[teensupernothing]

as a female, i feel some light can be shed from the "other side"

sometimes, we do really want to be friends, but if that's the case, it's probably because we never really wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship to begin with. if we say it anyway, we're trying to spare you, or spare ourselves (if you were the one to dump us)

i personally hate it when girls treat people like they own them. it should be give and take, but it dosen't seem like it was in your case, and that's not fair, so you should just move on with your life. it's not right, but that's the hard truth. if things aren't working out, they probably won't for a long time.

mike is right, there are alot of good looking girls out there, and alot of them are really nice too, you don't have to be with a total bitch to be with someone attractive.

if she "has you by the balls" take her by the hair, swing her around a bunch of times and let her go. (just make sure she drops your balls, otherwise it might hurt a tad) get her out of your life, and keep her there. it's the only way to stop her from hurting, and using you more.

[johnny]

She knows if she told me to jump off a bridge I would, just for her.
maybe that's what you should do! :P

[thecreeper]

i'd add in a metallica album cover for advice, but that's another thread.

[Liss]

A couple of facts: Most if not all relationships where one person "wants to still be friends" -- the person doesn't really want to be friends. They feel as if they have an obligation to friendship to help the other person out. This never results in a real friendship (if it was a passionate relationship). A lot of people come up with exceptions, but usually the relationship was petty and stupid and hence why they can still be friends. The friendship is doomed, so there's no reason in going for it anyway.

Mike

I actually maintain healthy friendships with all of my ex-boyfriends...minus one. It's taken time though. From my own personal experience, and I hate that I'm guilty of this, you turn selfish and you want to stay friends for your own comfort. Girls like to have someone in their life who will do anything for them. They don't mean, necessarily, to be hurtful, but a girl will string along a guy just in case she needs someone there for her. Just in case someone else doesn't take the guys place right away. A girl can absolutely know with all her heart and her mind that she will never love this boy, yet she will lead him to believe there is still a chance of reunion. Because girls want guys to love them; it's nature. It's power. It's comfort. And devoted ex boyfriends are the perfect groupies...because they hope and hope and hope and continue loving.

I've done it before. It's not something you do really consiously, or with evil intent, it just happens. You have to understand that this is what is going on, and you have to maintain distance. You also need to know that once you do stray from her life, she will very suddenly become needy and desperate. She'll need to TALK to you, need ADVICE...and you'll start hoping again and as soon as you place yourself back in that position you'll be hurt again. Don't do it. Staaay away.

Like I said, I'm friends with everyone I dated, minus one. The ones I am friends with...well, we took breaks from each other when we broke up and tried not to look back until one or the other was in a new relationship. The friendships are very casual, but theyre real. The one I'm not friends with, I haven't talked to since a year ago today, when he told me he couldn't handle seeing me anymore if I wasn't in love with him. Not the best Christmas present, but I understood and respected his decision, and I only hope he's happy.

I don't know if this helps at all, more than anything I'm reflecting on my own past, I guess, and things Ive learned.

[Mike]

Those aren't exactly "friends" though, in the mutual sense of the word. They're, as you said, people you're using for your own gain (which I am all for... I wish more people would look out for their own interests)... And they're being friends with you in hopes of some relationship again.

There will never be a relationship and the friendship will turn sour from one of you. That's why I told what's his name, or whoever, to not try to be friends with their exes... because it's not a real friendship. I have had some amazing friendships with girls that I dated for a week or two, maybe close to a month, but those weren't really relationships... The real friendships with real former-relationships are incredible rare. Not that they don't ever happen, but usually, it's one person using another, and then, that other person, only allowing themselves to get used to get back into the relationship... once one person stops using or stops getting used, it's over.
Mike

[Mr Biglesworth]

Oh go read some more Ayn Rand, Mike!

[Liss]

But Ben, for example...I dated him for 9 months, and we have a pretty good relationship now. We took time to recover, and this is almost 2 years later, but we get together often and just hang out and still ask each other for advice and such and such. I don't know, it works for me. There's no way we'd get back together, of course, and both of us are aware of that. You just have to make that decision mutually and go with it.

[Mike]

Oh go read some more Ayn Rand, Mike!

I don't believe in Jewish authors. And I think she's a stupid philosopher.

----

As for ... relationships ... I've had two real relationships in my life. Real as in ... I wasn't younger than 18 and they lasted for more than just a couple months, and ... one of those relationships is still going on. The first one lasted for about a year, pretty lust-ful relationship ... and I haven't talked to the bitch in sometime, and it'd never work out to be friends... so I think that I just take my own relationship shortcomings and portray them as being a shortcoming of relationships in general.
Mike